What are we going to do tonight?
What we try to do every night. Take over the world
I'm not saying he's gay. Just that he prob knows what a dick tastes like
Did you push me into the oil wrestling or did I elect to do it?
You said you wanted to do it, but I gave you a friendly nudge.
As punishment for throwing up on my car, I am holding your phone hostage until the morning. You can read this message after I drop it off.
I just took the cheapest shot in your honor
There's 50 people in our house, none of them are wearing shirts. The keg has been relocated twice and our bathroom door is missing again...when will we ever learn?
I still can't believe that I ate McDonald's off of my chest in his bed...
Cross faded me is not the classiest.
No not at all haha I wish there was a picture of that
The moment buddy the elf found out he was human is exactly like the moment I realized I was gay
he just ran into my room in his giant penis costume yelling "supercock to the rescue"... I am still in total shock
I can't believe I got dumped for a fat chick, but at least I got four and a half years worth of free shit. So we can call it even.
leads to pukin, then cryin, then 24hr masturbatin binge, then cryin again and finally a combination of all 3
Quickly hiding the condom wrappers, ropes, and handcuffs right before the parents arrive to help with moving out? Priceless.
An old Grimace plushie came to life and gave me a pretty knife. I'm never doing acid again.
The logic in me says "don't text him" .But the vagina in me says "text him".
I am still worried she'll have a seizure durring. What would I do? Try to ride it out and finish, or pull out and assist?
Randomize