Ok walking to car, 3 gay guys park get out of car, one on phone says 'I dont know but I was definately getting some curb rubbing'
A good Q tip ear swabbing is better than bad sex.
My STD test came back clean. I'd like to thank all the guys I've slept with, they made this possible. I want to say thanks to all my friends, for believing in me living up to the full slut potential. And last but not least, I'd like to thank alcohol. I wouldn't be who I am today w/out you. I feel like I need to frame this...
we seriously had to hang a plastic bag on his ears so he could throw up right into it.
Brought 2 entire pizzas with to the bar, everyone loves us
You have proved your worthiness to join me on the quest of taking shots at every academic building on campus by showing up drunk to our test at 12:30 today
If I ever die and svu has to come to my murder scene make sure they know I don't wear underwear always so it might not be as bad as they think
That's what I'm here for. To bitch slap you into believing in yourself.
We went to the casino to try to earn enough money to go to new Orleans comfortably. I'm already drunk. This is a horribly immoral start to summer.
Yes but from my experience being high around your own baby makes you feel like the worst kind of mom
Haha. Maybe he's one of those feminine men who fucks like a god then makes you fantastic crepes afterwards
NO FUCKING RANDOMS IN AN ALLEY
She has an alarming number of pictures with cat ears but the sex is amazing.
I need to find a more reliable booty-call so I can start dating people and take it slow.
Why is the toilet broken? Why did I wake up naked in the shower, hugging a bath mat? WHY IS THE TOILET BROKEN?
Is it just clogged or something?
No! There are actual chunks of toilet on the floor.
Randomize
