dude, my face is all kinds of fucked up right now. and don't even start with i told you so...
i'd like someone to explain to me why my clothes are all sticky. including my fanny pack. yes, this is a mass text.
1 stripper is 160/hr. 2 strippers is 280/hr. it would be fiscaly irresponsible to only get one.
I'm too tired to go all the way tonight, especially if you're going to quote Katy Perry at me during
Isn't it statistically impossible for THAT many ugly people to be in one place at one time?
I caught him trying to shit in her bed. I asked him why he was doing it and he said "because it's wrong."
You grabbed her hand and started jacking her finger off. She was horrified.
Did it finish?
2nd fun fact: he has a square tan line around his dick.
And now we should drink to that moment where you realize you didn't exactly think things through.
spending today hungover and untagging myself from all the pictures of me kissing girls so grandma doesnt have a heart attack. how was your new years?
Every time he asks me if I'm horny I'm just like come on...stupid question
Is it inappropriate to be Drs. Willy Fister and Jess Hewill as a couples costume for Halloween?
Oh we're gynecologists
woke up on my floor using my jeans i wore out as a pillow
haha i wouldn't expect any less of you
I dont think you understand. A NOODLE FELL OUT OF MY VAGINA! I DEMAND TO KNOW WHAT YOU DID TO ME LAST NIGHT!
Fuck your fuckin pumpkin spice. You and your subtle differences frighten and disgust me.
Randomize
