So Ive been fucking her for the past couple months and i just found our that my grandfather and her grandmother were fuck buddies for a while. I feel like this is a new awesome family tradition that skips a generation.
Also, our mothers are placing bets on which of us will get pregnant first.
There is a woman in the bar breastfeeding a baby. Doing shots. Gotta love maryland Applebees.
Security brought me back to our hotel room in a wheelchair last night. Vegas.
And if you ever tell anyone that I will fucking kill you.
Apparently in gay bars the restroom signs are just a formality. Its a free for all in there
He just yelled in the bar, "So I stuck it in two girls butts, why are you bringing that up now?"
btw im using a cooler as a purse cause i love string cheese
I also was calling every child by their name "Birthcontrol" - straight people are fun
....I feel like you are deciding whether or not I'm good enough for you based on what I ordered from Chipotle.
I'm using my breathalyzer result sheet as a coaster for my 40.
I walk in and my roomie is fucking her bf while wearing lingerie and minnie mouse ears. Right in the childhood.
You know I love you. I just don't love your penis.
Do you think the police would frown on me opening a psych drug pharmacy on the side? Just to dispose of my drugs without polluting the water supply! It is for the animals!
at the time fanning him with a dish tray seemed like a good idea but when we found it buried in the dirt the next morning i questioned our judgement. needless to say he still threw up even with the extra breeze.
You really do take on your dog's personality she sounded like her pug breathing when we were going at it.
Randomize
