I thought she would fill the void you created. Turns out she thought I just wanted to fill hers.
When I saw him standing at full height, I realized exactly how much his body structure reminds me of his penis.
Just applied online. Cant stop hiccupping. May be drunk. Hope they liked my smiley faces.
her dad's the mattress king, she's genetically engineered to be good in bed
if you think for one second that i'm not using my mittens as hand puppets at the bar tonight then u dont know me at all!
I couldnt decide if i wanted to pee first or vomit. So i Peed sideways while throwing up into the tub.
At what point in your drunken state would you actually believe that the cops wanted to party with you?
I never want to hear the words 'my therapist says . . . ' while naked again.
nope, if she's going to skank it up with ginge-a-saurus douche she deserves the silent treatment.
He came when Ron Burgundy started playing the jazz flute. How do you think it went?
Judging by my bruises, I know I took more than one tumble. I probably pulled u down w me, and then punched you in the knee. Been trying to find a place to fix my phone between naps today. Almost no place accepts hand js as currency these days. 2013 is gonna be expensive and whorey.
I don't know if I'm more excited about getting chipotle or about getting laid
I look at it as community service. He was going through a rough time and I gave him an ego boost. That's how we're going to remember it. I was doing a good deed lol
I would ride that face into the sunset
How does one tell their boyfriend they're pregnant with someone else's kid??
Randomize
