I dont know whether to be proud of myself for not driving, or being proud that i was so messed up I couldnt drive
It was like a Michael Bay sized explosion located in my pussy.
ok now this is the second time he's reffered to recieving a blow job as 'getting his pee pee sucked'
There's a girl in front of me with a see through white shirt on and her back says I suck bad dick. Fun night hun?
We named our saturday intramural dodgeball team "we're hungover". Pretty much just an excuse to fuel my alcoholism on friday nights.
found a pic of my little bro & his girl naked. he got the brains and the huge junk gene. I hate him
I'm the only adult here not drinking and their 2 year old daughter is trying to play dolls with me.. I've never been so demoralized in my life.
WTF WHY ARE YOU STILL NOT DOING A BEER BONG?! THE TOILET CLOG CAN WAIT
Walking in to my alcoholic Assessment meeting with a black eye = 40% awkward 60% awesome
And dildos are 35% off. So. Ya know. Savings.
Getting day drunk before work is perfectly acceptable when its 99 cent margaritas.
There are grandparents doing keg stands I don't know
I keep getting congratulated for drinking 2 six packs of mikes hard and winning the Olympic marathon and I don't remember this shit and now my throat is on fire
on a campus of 30,000 people, i should not be able to see every single guy I've ever hooked up with at one party.
You know how fear has a smell? Well turns out shame has a smell too. It's Pina colada flavored anal grease.
Randomize