I can't go out tonight I need to save my money for important things.....like rogaine and ecstasy.
i just found my sim card.....i hid it in my tylenol bottle....i guess to ensure i would find it mid-hangover
it must be christmas time, i've got a hankering to give a virgin a baby....
You said you wanted to go to louisiana and get arrested by Steven segal
I should have some sort of frequent buyer card or something. I just bought my third bottle of Captain this week. It's Wednesday.
Just saw some girl biking on campus with a babyseat on the front. Baby included. Do you know how many points that'd be worth?
Jsyk, in serious talks of trading blowjobs for soup in bed. I'm sober
He kept walking up to every girl at the party saying "Hi, I'm George Clooney. No I won't marry you." He left with three girls.
Hey super random I have you in my phone as "downtown likes to go fishing girl" haha does that sound like you
She had a glow in the dark pastie on her forehead the last time I saw her. That should help you find her.
You wanted to go find him and we told you to sit down cause you kept stumbling. You yelled " I CAN STAND!! It's the walking part I can't figure out!"
he's really high and upset. he just found out alice from the brady bunch died
You really need to not quote Anchorman while I'm giving you a serious blowjob.
I DONT HAVE THE SOCIAL SKILLS TO EXPLAIN THAT YOU DIED EATING MY PUSSY
I am so dumb. I made a mistake and let him get away.
Don't worry, there are other penises in the sea.
Thanks, mom.
Randomize
