also, made friends with this 75 year old millionaire Tony who likes to mosh. Don't ask.
Also I am about to cut a ringtone from "Sex Machine" so James Brown can tell me to "get up, get on up" in the morning
I once woke up to the scream from 'get up offa that thing' and smacked my head on my desk
I'm pretty sure that every show on ABC Family could be turned into a drinking game.
Just saw a bouncer shoot a stripper with a squirt gun. He looked at me n said,"gotta keep em in check." I'm in love with this place
no jill really. Evrything around me is talking to me. The plant, my dog, the tv,the lamp. Its amazing.
i dont know if you remember blowing your vomity nose directly into my hand...yeah thanks for that
You kept screaming "Its taco night!" before every shot
Straight up if I get stuck with her I'm going to drink myself into a prison cell.
Had a booty call cancel on me tonight. Said he hurt his back. So this is what single and 30-something is like. Suck.
i want to pour hot gravy all over you in bed
I'm gonna eat more dunkaroos to cope with what's in my vagina.
Quick, I need a picture of your dick. Don't ask questions, just show me your genitals.
I am coming home with the worst sun burn of my life, two unused condoms, and an unworn slutty dress. Worst. Bachelorette. Party. Ever.
HE'S FUCKING 19 YEARS OLD, HE CAN'T EVEN GET INTO A BAR WITH ME, WHAT MAKES YOU THINK I'LL LET HIM IN MY PANTS?!
I sharted in court today and had to sit on it for about three and a half hours.
Randomize
