After he proceded to violently molest my tits until 9 am i snuck out of his room only to meet his mother downstairs, who informed me she heard the giant sexfest going on in the room next to them.. this was before she called us both "chickenshits".. worst walk of shame ever.
i woke up this morning to a slap on the ass and jake saying "you should let me put it in your ass now" i need out of this relationship.
for sure. did you let him do it?
thats not the point.
you came in and threw goldfish on our blue carpet and screamed SWIM BITCHES and then made me drink a best friends potion with you
Once again there IS no outside bathroom. Never has been, that is the balcony
I still cannot believe I yelled at every guy at the bar "you wanna get in this clam?!"
I want to have a prehistoric party. By that, I mean I want to dress up as a dinosaur and get drunk. That's all I want in life.
Your "OraGel will numb anything" theory was the worst thing I ever believed in.
last night i reached the point where my boob implants paid for themselves in free drinks. to celebrate lets go out and get more free drinks tonite.
When he saw my tits he said "wow you should be proud.
I woke up with your vibrator in my face
Pretty sure keeping my vibrator in the same drawer with the weed makes it work better. I fall asleep almost immedi
Why are my jeans soaking wet and smell like chlorine??
Bc u told a stranger in the hotel "I have sinned' and made him get into the hotel fountain and "baptize u". I've got a vid
I'm going to need you to stop harassing my professor on Twitter when you're drunk.
Fuuuuuck dude, he’s got #Excel in his Facebook bio; I’m screaming
Being single again makes you realize how guys can go from licking your asshole one night to never texting you again
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