stupid gm bankruptcy made me miss the showcase showdown
Those cock suckers. We need to know who's winning the hot tub and the vacation to the alps
my mom asked me how i could steal on a clear conscious and i told her it was because when i was younger she let me watch alladin and he did it.
Ever since I got married, I've become the MacGuyver of masturbation
VITAMINS IN VODKA. IM NOT LYING.
i have a new found respect for you. the amount of people you must have cockblocked last night is amazing
It was an 11am booty call. We were both out of our element.
max decided it would be a good idea to run down the hall and smack down the exit sign. now we are sitting in the emergency room, and he is wearing the sign as a bracelet
This is classic penis vs brain.
Yesterday you said I was the best.
No. I said you DID your best. There's a huge difference.
Seeing your boyfriend, side piece, and great white buffalo, all in one night? Its a sign right?
Proceed with caution.
You said you liked how I put the cream cheese on.
His dick's name has evolved from Sebastian to Big Daddy to Barbara Streisand to Barbara Walters. I think the transformation is finally complete.
After an hour of searching for my pants, we had three people looking. They were finally found in the oven.
I FUCKED WHEELCHAIR DUDE
HE'S INTO WEIRD SHIT
GOOD KIND OF WEIRD SHIT
He told you he loved you. Then you wanted to find a chainsaw to cut his dick off.
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