I'm texring you during a blow job. She thinks I'm looking shit up. Fml. Ftw.
who's fault is it that she tells me today she is only 16 because i definately met her at the bar...
Wearing a Sarah Lawrence sweatshirt is like wearing a shirt that says, "I'm getting a degree in substitute teaching."
If you're fucking that other dude, I'll take the sloppy seconds. I don't care.
we were sitting on his couch watching tv and laughing at how funny the voices on the commercial were, then we realized the volume wasn't on.
Apparently he's into classy girls that wear sweaters and don't throw up on him when they go out.
it wasnt a pity fuck per say. i wasnt attracted to her, but still thought 'that looks like a fun ride'
It's like hey here is one penis enjoy nothing but that for the rest of your life
They shouted last call and the guy next to me and I looked each other up and down and went in unison "yup, you'll do"
You finished the fifth and then hid two dozen eggs around your apartment and declare that you would "quest for Jesus". Have fun questing today.
Our prom king just sent me a dick pic. I know it's 10 years later but I feel like I've finally made it.
At least your vagina gets to vagina again. Dust that thing off.
It's one of the few times I hit fuck it levels of not caring
I just need a fucking pair of pants. Is that too much to ask for?
If hypothetically I needed to puke on the bus... how would I go about doing this.
Randomize
