My bottle opener just broke off in the cork
They don't teach how to cope w these situations in boy scouts
I enjoy that i have a whole shelf of clothes that I've accumulated from random sex. You know the ones you get to make the morning after look less awkward like similar to an athletes trophy shelf
I just creeped all your pictures on Facebook -- it was like I watched you grow up right before my eyes.
I just jerked it so loud the neighbor banged on their floor. maybe my wife got the point
george bush was a better president for first pitches than barack obama. there. i said it.
it's like doing a sit-up... but, you're inside someone
Im not moving so it's going to have to be a 3 some.
Lazier than spoon feeding yourself popcorn and debating adult diapers so you don't have to leave the mentalist marathon on tv?
I think she finds the idea of a naked fat man lying on the table and holding our butter offensive
Well I mean he is in a slightly seductive pose
Been in bed for 16 hours. Haven't eaten in 18 hours. Haven't pissed in almost 20 hours. Fuck you Stacey and your former reign as laziest bitch. I got the title now.
College: when you wake up drunk without pants and wearing a Cosby sweater
Do you think there are other mothers looking at porn in the carpool line?
He smoked and I was tired so left before we did anything. I literally left him high and dry.
She showed up at 4:30 in the morning HAMMERED, stripped, demanded sex, then after 4 failed attempts stopped me mid-thrust to tell me she thought we should be fucking for a cause, like animal rights. Process that for a second. She wanted us to be fucking for animal rights.
I've never had someone have to dis-arm themselves before I sucked their dick prior to that
Randomize
