i just had a dream that i could control how black Will Smith was with a remote.i need to stop sleeping with the TV on
I think I ruined Robin and Mikes anniversary. I walked in on them fucking, accidentally broke the necklace he gave her, and I stole the keg from their party. Not in that order
Well, love is in the air. And by that I mean: it seriously smells like sex in here.
It's like the last supper of drinking before the summer ends
So I found where you barfed in my house. Just wanted to let you know that my cat barfed on the kitchen floor in a show of solidarity
Due to your tardiness, I'm saving you my tab
please tell me we weren't that bad as freshmen
i can't, we're worse now
He just pulled out my weave during sex....needless to say I'm embarrassed and in need of another shot pronto
I will be single by the day my lease is up (234 days). Plan accordingly.
The fact that it neither of us came up with the reason of "it's morally and ethically wrong" speaks volumes about this relationship
We ended up on their roof with our pants around our ankles shotgunning beers at one point.
I don't fucking know. He perched his parrot on his dick. I left after that.
Just got up.... With the club stamp on my ass.... How did it got there????
Ya know. I was thinking of my slutty moments the other day and finally know which one makes the number 1 spot.
People don't believe me when I say the bruises are from work. They just smile and say "right." Trust me, I WISH my sex life was that exciting.
Randomize
