Whenever I'm sad I just imagine if babies were born with mustaches...
Guess what? I had way too much to drink today. I'm properly wasted. Doing chores and playing video games while drunk. It's the nexus of stupidity and responsibility.
we are going to smoke at least three blunts before we go see Cloudy with a chance of meatballs. I'm going to have my mom make us spaghetti for when we get out so can your mom make those spicy meatballs? I thought I'd give you 9 days notice so everything's perfect.
just did the walk of shame by his grandma. what the fuck is an old lady doing up at six am?
Well, shes famous, an alcoholic, hillarious, and has big boobs.... Pretty much my only aspirations in life.
today was the first day of rush. talking to girls all day makes me sick of having a uterus.
It never fails.. every time I have a dick in my mouth he calls me.
he said he has something really important to tell me but isn't ready yet. It's either that he loves me or has herpes
Hes drunk and dancing naked. I can hear his dick smacking his legs from the next room.
I'm going to make out with someone. I'm on a mission. I don't even care if I'm wearing beer goggles. As long as he's not shorter than me, gay, or a woman.
Do pleather leggings scream im easy on a first date?
i would compare it to sliding down a velcro-covered fireman's pole naked. no more bearded men for me.
I make him buy me all the extremely expensive high end Mac cosmetics I desire. Wear it then let him cum on my face. I am fucking glamorous.
Everything isn’t always sunshine & rainbows. Sometimes there’s tequila.
stupid neighbors doing stupid yard work with their stupid kids when i want to do drugs in the backyard
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