Mid thrust he tells me that we have bio together
I think I would be able to remember how to smoke but I can't seem to remember how to breathe.
when she said she's going upstairs to put her "play clothes" on, I knew either she was a pervert or a kindergarten teacher. Either way, I wasn't going to leave. She's a pervert by the way.
we ate a 40 pack of string cheese and watched an entire washing machine cycle.
Two girls are doing the worm relatively well on the bar floor after the fact I just saw one puke in the trash
And when I say "complete whore" I mean I could possibly make a shameful profit by wearing this.
My dad walked in on me masturbating in my own apartment.....my own apartment!!
It doesn't matter if I tell the story beginning to end or end to beginning, the story still starts with a random girl blowing me in the bathroom.
I'm using the size of your dick as a guage to see how big something is on Amazon. Any questions?
Of course he wants me there for his birthday. If a girl offers you a blowjob for every year of your life, you're gonna want her to be there.
I'm pretty sure that when my parents bought me those savings bonds they thought it would go towards something useful like tuition. Not your bail.
I told you I'd buy you lunch.
Math equation of the day: 4 waffles + 1 bowl of weed = 1 terrific nap
I think we did. All i know my pants smell like pong water due to the bathroom extravagansa. God I feel like a whore.
He held my hair back for me while i vomited in my driveway last night and i repayed him by farting mid-heave.
Sorry I didn't call this morning. Ended up with a decorated war veteran last night who besides finding the enemy, KNEW where the fuck my G spot was. He gets a medal in my book!
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