I hraet yuo
did you say you heart me or hate me?
who is this?
when people say theyve been sober for however many years is that like couple beers not drunk sober, or no drinking sober?
dude if Megan calls say you Sis was house sitting for me yesterday , she f'n found dana's panties
This morning my doorman told me it was an accomplishment for me to be standing and conscious after last night.
I have got to stop getting laid on my lunch breaks. I AM SO HUNGRY RIGHT NOW.
I was still in a towel. We hadn't even started drinking yet and the champagne bottle dropped and exploded literally up into my vagina.
Carry on my wayward bro, there'll be beer when you get low. lay your neon tank to rest, dont you rage no more.
Way to high for badminton right now. This is gonna be a shitshow.
Would it be considered cannibalistic if I wanted to eat off his bacon tattoo?
He hasn't texted me back since last week when we sexted. I think telling him I wanted to choke him with chains was a bit much for our first time.
What is the proper Father's Day protocol when you're sleeping with a guy who has kids?
OK... But I need to shower first because I'm covered in stuff I definitely shouldn't have slept in
I love how fuckboys immediately become cultured when I tell them I’m an artist.
I wet willied a stranger last night didn’t I?
Bahahah I should. I’m the free range drunk girl who should clearly not be free range because who knows what kind of fuckery I would get into
Randomize
