Did you know that cab drivers don't take quarters for payment? They don't even like it when you ask.
best part, i was ridiculous and none of them were judging me bc they didn't want my vagina. it was like i was a pretty painting
Yeah he is here but I can't let him know I am until he has like 30 min worth of drinks. so when he see me he isn't like "omg ew,NO!"
I have so much to learn from you, wise slut
he was so drunk he doesn't remember anything. I have to break up with him all over again
They're here. One showed up as a slutty Crayola, and I think the other came as The Fat Friend.
She took a break from repeating "my face is still buzzing!" to say that the phantom of the opera could be here
Just got tipped $5 for distracting some dude's gf while he got another girl's number. Bro-code at its finest.
Why is there broken glass in my purse?
You stole a snow globe. From your VP. Soooo...maybe don't put all your hopes on that promotion you were expecting
I didn't think four grown drunk men could cuddle on a twin size bed, but we found a way.
It was like, once I started flashing you, I couldn't stop.
He is a sweet angel sent from dick heaven!
How did you end up breaking into that laundromat at 3am? I saw the snapchat but like..... How?
I'm pretty sure I just came a kidney stone..
just got back. in my inebriated state i broke an ugly lamp and was sent to the store (still drunk) to get a new one. just spent last half hour in isle 3 of dollar general surounded by more ugly lamps and trying not to throw up on each and every single one.
Its one of those days... someone might die
Would a picture of my dick help?
Randomize