Your girlfriend is a south jersey whore
I took Valium worth by frank. I squabble
Li shadha you vin. It's phot out. I just ate a fried Oreo
glad my latex allergy prevents me from being a one-night stand whore
I cont stop tolking in a british axsent
is it bad if my mug shot looks better than my profile picture?
standing in line at subway, they've got 'stand up and get crunk' blaring. the lines out the door and everyone is dancing. Lombardi Gras rules.
I came out of bedroom with my jeans on backwards, zipped AND buttoned. I have inconceivable talents whilst intoxicated.
Your remote is drenched in lotion and you expect me to believe you weren't masturbating?!
not saying it was a bad idea to throw an impromptu party but someone stole the microwave
So I peed on what I thought was a wall while in nashville come to find out while running from the cop it was just a dark tinted window and the while bar witnessed me peeing
So we just left her at the hospital. She is not ruining my Monday night
Smoked before work and just remembered i left pringles in my desk last time i was high. SCORE
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO GET MY FUCKING CUPCAKES WHEN THE GROUNDSWORKER I HOOKED UP WITH IS LOITERING IN THE VENDING AREA
its one thing to be single and another thing to be single and then have your profile picture be of you and the cat
your picture is with misty too!!
I AM SINGLE BY CHOICE
I've found my spirit animal. I'm a Snapple bottle. If you take my top off I'll tell you a fact about science.
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