You don't get off work for this? I feel genuinely bad for you.
I'll have a beer when I get into the office. Yes, I hide beer in my work frige.
thanks for house sitting, cat must be hiding again... everything go ok?
... about that ...
either we just had an earthquake or I am really good @ masturbating
So the last day on the vacation I woke up in the bath tub. My mom said she asked me during the night what I was doing and I said, "swimming."
Fact: The drinking you do in college doesn't affect your liver in real life.
Brutally Honest is my real middle name, Princess just sounds better.
You'd be surprised at the stuff my vagina tells my brain to say
I'm sorry but I require more work than your hamster. I need food, a minimum of 5 pillows, and I need to be played with daily.
Fucking that physical therapist guy was the best decision I ever made.
It's cuz all she eats is salt lick, human souls, and fast food
I think my dove chocolate wrapper just told me to masturbate.
he was definitely tindering while i gave him head
All this studying of HIV makes me want to have sex with you.
Give me like 5, I have to feed a moose and find my pants.
i shit you not. the flight is delayed because they have to change fucking light bulb. all the airport bars are closed and my shit is in checked luggage.
Randomize
