let's have our labels/stereotypes/careers for each kid by next week.
oh how i love working at summer camp.
just woke up with an anonymous loaf of bred in my bed and a piece in my mouth. this says alot about my life.
I have left a significant number of teethmarks in my prhone. My mouth tastes like tequila and cheddar. Tomorrow already feels fun.
Mom is telling us about the time she drank her own breast milk. Help.
My mom gave me a high five when I told her I was just using him for sex
You and your mom would make an amazing tag team
I wasnt going to have sex with him until i ran into his gf at chipotle. It was like the gods were saying "Go ahead. Shes already had her burrito for the day"
She had one of those kid princess beds. I asked how she expected to fuck on that and she just said "thats what the slide is for". I've never wanted to marry a one night stand before.
Oh my god what did I do. My hands are scraped, there are pickles on the floor, my clothes are wet, and I don't remember how I get here. Thank you.
It's a given that you're going to get peed on at a country concert
That girl from the bar sent me a text saying that she wants to wear my cock as a hat. A cock hat. Is that good or bad?
And there was a legally blind kid in a ref costume doing surprisingly well at beer pong who was passing out business cards
Does puke ruin car paint? Good thing it's raining.
We were in the uber and you were crying because you wanted to be an Olympic gymnast. The driver tried to console you and you just cried harder
I'll be perfectly honest; there are times other guys have consented to have sex with me because of my punctuation.
One minute I'm going home the next I'm getting railed on the back 9.
Randomize
