He called me an ungrateful bitch because I lauged when he asked me "how do you me and a bed sound?"
Like I should be grateful for the 5 minutes I sit on top of him and stare at the wall.
I just said that Oprah is crazy and like 5 fat white girls jumped down my throat. I sat back and smiled.
No one showed up yet so I smoked 4:20 on chatroulette with a naked chick..
The Wii Fit is already telling me I'm an alcoholic.
I'll report later on the progress of the mountain orgy
I didn't hate myself when I woke up today, that's improvement right?
Drunk me wrote a bucket list last night. #4 is "hate fuck a childhood enemy". Can we make this happen?
Boobs are also good for catching the vodka gummy bears that miss my mouth
He came up to me looked at my tits said they were huge, rated them a 7 and then asked if girls really do masterbate. To make it better, he put his hand up to my face and said his penis is longer than my face...
She just texted me apologizing for taking selfies on my phone then asked me to send them to her
She wouldnt stop trying to stick her finger in my ass. I wish she wasnt so hot
She said she wouldn't get out of hand. When the cops showed up she jumped off the 4ft high porch and fell into a ditch. She then buried herself because she was wearing light pants and though the light from the cops flashlights would reflect off her pants. We couldn't find her for 40 minutes.
You could sing the national anthem right before we have sex. Make it feel like a sporting event
I would reevaluate a bf who is happy with other guys doing me.
Went to go look for a friend that was missing since 3am, found her passed out in the hallway of the apartment, guessing it was a good night
Randomize
