how many princess gummy vitamins will it take to negate last nights drinking binge?
Our phone convo was getting intense. Then I heard her say "quiet mommy is trying to have phone sex"
I woke up to a bag of pies and a lot of questions
My vagina would be awesome. I would be the most popular girl in the village.
It seems like every guy I've hooked up with all end up hanging out together, its like a cult.
He made me this shot called the allergen. It was a shot of vodka with a Claritin dropped in it.
Ugh did we play golf last night and did you by chance hit my head with a club or a ball?
I got kicked out of the hotel after wandering into the banquet kitchen at 2am trying to find the shrimp....so we're power napping in the car and then driving to madison.
Donald Trump and I would be so adorably orange together!
For once I am not in the mood. My vagina is good with life at the moment.
The apocalypse has arrived.
I feel like I have a very capable uterus.
I just projectile vomited into my kitchen sink. Today need to be over already.
Every Easter every single one the baby Jesus butt plug comes up
The night they met I slept with both of them. Of course I'm best man.
Dude I just woke up with a dog sleeping on me.
I thought you didnt have a dog??
Exactly.
Randomize
