Judging by the grocery store, everyone stocked up on frozen pizza and beer for the blizzard. If our generation ever faces doomsday, we'll go out smiling.
my phone calendar just alerted me that it's "weed time" in 15 minutes. do not remember setting that alert last night...
Breakfast=the leftover margarita in my car. Have a great day.
She won't let me open the car door while we are on the highway so I can throw up outside. She deserves to have her car thrown up in.
For a limited time only, free special muffin with the referral of a loyal dro customer! Have it for breakfast and be happy off your ass all day! Guaranteed! New member must buy at least an eighth. Oh and O's are on sale for 280.
You. Win. At. Life.
But he buys me breakfast and goes down on me THATS HARD TO FIND
I gave him my yeast infection. HOW THE FUCK DOES THAT EVEN WORK?
i did nothiing wrong other than not tell that kid his whole back was covered in puke
We used a snorkel as a funnel. Can you say desperate?
Just thought you should know I'm having a reunion tour of Athens this weekend. Minus the weird guy I was fucking last time.
See, this is why we give you shit. Ashley gets her car cleaned out, I get multiple enchiladas made, and you get cum in your eye.
Besides, I'm booked tomorrow. I'm planning on drinking heavily and crying in the bath.
Its nights like last night that make me want to high five my liver.
If I had a dollar for every functioning brain cell you had I would owe someone a lot of money
I’ve looked at so many mouse vaginas in the past week
Randomize