Yeah, it wasn't as bad as I thought. I tried not to clench and things went pretty smoothly.
Is it weird i consider You Sexy Thing our song?
So this snow storm is NOT helpin my masturbation problem
He told me he breastfed 'til he was six. That explains the obsession with me getting fake tits. Is it a red flag?
I had to write an apology letter to security guards in the hotel so I didnt get kicked out
I think I need to donate blood to see if I have Hepatitis. Again.
Somehow ended up home, probably had something to do with the makeshift ladder from my second story window. Now headed to church, still drunk, and still fighting back the vomit of a thousand different alcohols. Successful night.
My night just got really weird. In a sit down stall bathroom at this nice resturaunt and this guy walks in as I rip a humongous porcelain-splitting fart. Well, I hear him stop for a second. He then opens the door to the stall next to mine, sits down and says, "player two has entered the game."
Did you win?
im half tempted just to scoot up to him and whisper "I'm not wearing underwear" but idk if thats a heartfelt apology
The bump on my forehead, i think, was from falling asleep at front door, on my knees, slumped over. But we played good music so what?
...is this motivational speaking, or sexting? It's getting hard to tell.
carb up bitch. we're drinking with football players.
You ghosted you're own booty call. Wow what a sad sad man.
Have you ever wanted to murder the Sun? To bring the life-giving fusion reactor to a bitter end because of the sheer agony it brings to your eyes as it keeps you awake. And for waking the birds. Fuck birds.
He thought it would be sexy if he found my clothes and dressed me, and it was..until he found a thong under his bed and assumed it was mine. It wasn't
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