So how was awkward coffee with forgets-your-name?
Houston, we have a problem
where are u?
Houston. That's the problem. I don't know how I got here.
just wondering who decided to put a cup of throw up in my fridge
you know its bad when everytime i put on a shirt i think of who i hooked up with in it
and then you yelled "out of the way, i'm a lifeguard!" and everyone let us through
Not exactly sure why you felt the need to get the halloween decorations out. But waking up to 7 carved pumpkins really scares the shit out of you.
Sometimes I send them texts like "I want to make you cry and lick up your tears" just to fuck with them. And THAT is how you get rid of a Stage 5 clinger.
It was worse than that time I did shots of BBQ sauce and pierced my own ear with a thumbtack
Is there really anything more beautiful than opening a fresh box of wine on a Friday afternoon?
I mean I'm not gay but a hundred bucks is a hundred bucks
I'm still getting random messages from guys about my Halloween outfit. Electrical tape is coming back next year
I had a dream that my roommate walked in on me masturbating and I hissed "I'm not stopping this orgasm train for the likes of you" and just kept going
What's with guys asking if I wanna "kick it" like I'm some fucking 19 year old
I don't want to go to sleep. I like partying with myself.
I may have made out with your roommate and your cousin tonight. In my defense I thought both of them were your cousin.
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