i had just passed the point of no return when my mom opened my door. I hid my dick and took the porn off the computer in time but i still had to explain my day at school to her WHILE i was jizzing in my pants.
Just passed an anti-circumcision dude with a sign. Handing-out-bibles guy has been officially one-upped.
the girl i fucked last night woke up this morning, disoriented and looked at me, and said "oh, you're hot." and went back to sleep.
Why are you covered in frosting?
Friend's birthday situation turned into enlightened cake orgy.
She sucks dick like Beethoven on piano, but talking to her is like Simple Jack in Tropic Thunder. Still working out the pros vs cons list.
Is it too early to say this year has been a blur?
Bailey. He has a soul patch. Idgaf if he was an NFL player. Nobody with a soul patch is attractive.
I found a body half wedged into my bedroom wall this morning. How do I explain THIS to the carpenters?
I just want you and your enormous dick to be my fucking rebound so we can move on with our lives
The drunk fake out is her specialty. She'll agree to come with us and two seconds later we check to make sure she's still there and we see her booking it down the hall in the opposite direction.
Mom got high last night and started crying because she feels bad for Paula Deen. This is my family.
I mean it was fine and all but I just don't understand why a man would need all that Simon Cowell paraphanelia
I'm sitting here with a heating pad and a fan on me eating snow caps off of my boobs
Eh, I don't question what my penis likes. It just does what it does.
please don't forget about the bread in the toilet i am absolutely not dealing with that
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