i'm in the sorta mood where i wanna be that crying, drunk girl who will hook up with anyone that tells her she's pretty
According to my dad, my tongue ring makes people assume I give a lot of blow jobs because, as stated by him "that's what it's for"
U just looked at me and said "wake me up when I'm done eating"
this boner is fucking legendary. i should name it and celebrate its birthday every year
So, do you ever feel like EVERY SINGLE ONE OF YOUR FRIENDS IS INVOLVED IN A MASSIVE AND INTRICATE CONSPIRACY TO COCKBLOCK YOU AT ALL COSTS?
We should tie ourselves together anytime there is any type of alcohol involved. It's the safest way. I either end up with freshmen or weird ex bfs. You end up with a large cowboy. This is not good for us
It's all sex hats and vagina bandages with you isn't it?
I'm calling it the Friendlationship with Benefits Zone.
What kind of a birthday party isn't a get drunk and ruin everything party
I don't know if I want to live in a world where i can't fuck an exes brother.
You need to stop thinking about the needs of your vagina and concentrate on the greater good
you said you didn't want to carry the pizza box so just folded up the pizza and put it in your pocket
Send me a pic of your kids to remind me why I have morals.
And they're not making a turkey. My cousin was "hoping to shoot a bird this week"
I love you but I don't want to see you naked.
Randomize
