According to my dad, my tongue ring makes people assume I give a lot of blow jobs because, as stated by him "that's what it's for"
after everytime she pucked, she insisted on us all giving her high fives
Life lesson. Learning to pee left handed is easier than learning brickbreaker left handed. Rather lose a few drops than a few lives
She either was great at sex or I finished the whole bottle of svedka my self
I made people serenade her before talking to her and went on a condom run. If I'm going to be in the friend zone, I'm going to be its fucking king.
tried to chug a glass full of ice cubes. went better then expected.
I can't believe this. 100 bucks says my Botox lasts longer than their marriage will.
"This is Emily. She likes potatoes. And sometimes laughs and cries at the same time, and has a wonderful butt"
THIS IS EXACTLY WHY YOU SHOULDA FUCKED BEFORE YOU MADE HIM YOUR BOYFRIEND, CURVED DICKS ARE NOT OK
He asked if I had any questions. Apparently, "how thick is the stick up your ass" was not a correct question.
She's walking down the sidewalk with a notebook, a pencil, and a box of cheez its while yelling profanities at small animals.... I'm going 2 ask her where she was before this.
I just got dumped by my fuck buddy. Now I have to have sex with my husband.
so he found out i have him as "average size" in my phone. fair to say we arnt going to be dating anymore
Well... Chad blew off half of his hand last night. We were able to find most of it.
I guarantee you he will only fuck with old bitches from now on
Randomize
