I have no voice and feel like lukewarm beer.
don't worry. When rigor sets in, we'll make sure to get you laid one last time.
it was a sick party until you insisted on putting on "that's how I beat shaq"
I just got a flashback from Saturday night of you helping me wash my feet in the bar's bathroom.
It's only 8pm and Karl already got a stripper fired.
Get to the bar. Power hour leading up to the rapture.
Just reduced mom to tears when she realized I wasn't kidding about hating kids. She's crying about never being a gma. Now would be the time to tell her about the girl you knocked up. You're welcome.
I was the king of the handle race. My team finished it in 56 minutes.
you don't get it. Nobody wins a handle race. there just degrees of losing.
Posh spice and Baby spice both in one night. Fantasy complete. God bless halloween.
I literally got so drunk last night, I texted myself "porpoises" and that was it. I have no recollection of this.
How many other adults do you think have slept naked under the Winnie the Pooh blanket sober?
Was he good-huge or like "what the fuck do i do with this"-huge
She really has to stop the coke at some point. Won't she run out of money eventually?
Won't she run out of nose eventually?
I keep getting congratulated for drinking 2 six packs of mikes hard and winning the Olympic marathon and I don't remember this shit and now my throat is on fire
My life is in shambles. Just made a grilled cheese in the microwave on a hot dog bun
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