She said as long as i don't wake her up she doesn't care what hole i use.
Got yourself a keeper right there.
One minute shes telling me about her volunteer work then she whips out a 12 inch dildo
I'm pregaming with America's Best Dance Crew.
Do a shot everytime Lil' Mama mispronounces a word.
I shall celebrate this moment with a beer conveniently located in the sock drawer directly to the right of me.
its like whenever the snow comes all the hott girls drop out of school. where are they
21st Birthday Idea: liquor store gift registry. Give me a promotion.
Was that not clear on Friday when I nearly deapthroated two ice cubes?
God and karma are having a fucking field day with my body today.
You come home the day the world is supposed to end. Well played Mayans.
if a girl cums in a dorm room and no one hears it did it really happen?
I'm bringing my passport in case we get drunk and wind up in Mexico
PokemonGo as navigation to get some at 5:13 AM. Life choices, yo.
I couldn't find my hair brush so I just brushed my hair with a cat brush. I should not be dating.
Pretty sure I got pink eye from the strip club. There is also still beer cans rattling around in my shower.
I'm driving to work hungover. I feel like I got hit by a train and then drank that train too.
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