I am doing a scientific study and i need a brief description of the underpants you are wearing
I have a voicemail from Mike at 1am. He starts to say something, but then throws up instead.
maybe next time you shouldn't be drinking alone watching intervention at 3 am and no one would think you needed an intervention.
He was standing in the front door with a kareoke machine yelling at the neighbors as the unloaded their van
Earned the respect of a group of freshman by chugging Das Boot while hanging out a window and lost it shortly after by wrecking a clown bike into them.
I'd just like to say before I start drinking tonight that not only do I not find you attractive; I don't want to hook up with you, suck your dick, be your "suga mama" or have your babies. Please disregard any texts, phone calls or voicemails that say otherwise..
It's really sad that I'm trying to calculate in my head the type of place to have dinner that's worth anal
Found out last night that "Everclear" is Spanish for "shit got weird"...
We are sitting here staring into each others eyes, mutually rubbing forks up and down our respective noses. High as balls doesn't even begin to cover it.
i was in burrito mode and too drunk to move. no fucks were given. none.
Who would've thought that Monopoly night would've ended with some girl peeing on the couch.
so we were doing it and I was like umm hi im losing my virginity can you take off your beanie
He made me choke him and call him Papi..so all in all a good night.
If you don't respond in the next 30min, I'm going to assume your in a sex coma, in jail, or dead... All of which I've become accustomed to, and will follow the appropriate channels of notification once you notify me.
You kept crying and I couldnt help but laugh at you, I was really high though.
Randomize
