woke up 7 floors down in the lobby...i my underwear. New high or new low?
New experience?
he changed my name in his contacts to "rick", so his mom wouldn't know he was texting me
She calls her new ritual "bed, bath, and beyond crunk". Hence why I found her passed out in my bath tub this morning.
He confessed to putting dry erase marker dots on my vibrator to keep track of when I "electronically cheated" and then passed out.
The fairy wings and cowboy hats were not the issue. The bag of cocaine that I held in the air as we drove in the parade might have been.
If I sleep with another Spanish guy it is officially renamed my senor year.
My 16 year old coworker just told me I should take my job more seriously after she watched me puke in the backroom trash can. Fuck teenagers with morals.
Hypothetically speaking, what is the proper response if one gets bitten by a most likely not rabid squirrel? Hypothetically.
Found my underwear in a solo cup. That about sums up this weekend.
Hahaha I don't remember taking it away. But no one should have a sledgehammer at a party. NO ONE.
If throwing a bottle across the bar, hitting a skank in the head and not getting caught was an Olympic event, you'd bring merica the gold every time
Although can we find me a starter dick? I don't want security showing up again. That was awkward.
I touched a dick in church today
I sucked his dick by a creek, how romantic.
you know your booty call is really trying when he offers to pay the toll for the bridge you have to cross to get to his house
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