Just dominated the men's bathroom at work. Sounded like the intro of a death metal song.
I have a question, if it paid really well, like ridiculously well, would you be a restaraunts under the table resident blowjob girl?
He kept yelling "osteoporosis" and threw milk at her because she broke her arm.
Is all white too much for court to prove my innocents?
i love that youre following in my footsteps.. pissing yourself on your birthday is an honor and a privlege
I just picked up my chili cheese fries off the ground ate them, and then licked up the cheese that was still on the concrete. Thank you Jagerbombs
what is the protocol for being hungover enough to vomit in a potted plant during my botany lecture?
Great. Woke up in Ts room wearing one sock, a glove and a beret with a sorrority chick CLEARLY out of my league. Jose Cuervo you ARE a friend of mine.
We are, if nothing else, classy enough to leave our 10 mini bottles of wine in a polite line on the floor of the movie theater.
Seriously I just dipped a banana in vodka I really need to stop drinking
THIS ISN'T WORKING THIS IS THE DRUNK LEADING THE DRUNK
Do you think you're physically and mentally capable of killing me? Because I'd really appreciate it.
Trying to do the walk of shame over here WHY are there a hundred ppl on the el?! Thank god I pulled a summit and wore casual clothes I even stopped by the farmers market and bought some squash
"We hooked up and in the morning he emailed me his mix tape"
wouldn't be a true Fourth of July without dropping acid at 9pm on a Monday
FREEDOM
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