The walk of shame is so much worse when you've spent the night third wheeling.
The guy in front of me in line at Starbucks looks kinda like Danica Patrick except he has a huge boner.
it was beautiful and magic like when a hot girl grabs her own tits and smiles at you
I can’t believe the potential orgy I left behind at Waffle House.
a man that wears gold spandex underwear and party boys other people is a man after my own heart.
I think one day, after evolution kicks in, my sons will thank me for having a 3rd ball. That's how much sex I'm having.
ya, but you'll graduate college with a higher education. I'm looking at at least two addictions, an abortion, and a few weeks jail time.
Your first words after putting out the flames, "how am I supposed to eat girls out with my top lip burned off??"
Yeah no more flaming everclear shots.
After you bought Jesus' name tag off him at the Mexican restaurant you commenced to stumbling around the lobby showing anybody who would listen what would Jesus do.
Stop giving me tequila.
note to self: shower sex when you have 7 stitches in your leg is never a good idea. never.
I just want to drink cheap wine and throw my bra at an aging singer songwriter
You fell in the corner and refused to get up unless someone helped you. And then you crawled under the pool table and took a nap.
He had the same tone in his voice and look in his eyes that he gets when he says UFOs aren't real.
Because cocaine and lesbian hookups on a Tuesday cannot be the new normal
her idea of a romantic time is a bottle of jager, some Guacamole and chips.
can't go wrong with guac.
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