she has a tiny mouth but huuuge vocal chords
This kristen chick is fuckin nuts. She's pyscho. She's a trainwreck. She carries baggage. She's... Perfect.
My vagina is so ashamed right now. It won't even look at me.
My roommate found me crawling down the hallway as she was on her way to her morning class. Its time for a new semester.
I need to stop taking drags of other peoples cigarettes, it's such a tease. Like playing just the tip, you just can't
I was officially considered the drunkest person in cuba when the bartender at the swim up bar made me wear a life jacket for 'safety purposes'
I'm at the bar alone. Is this how you feel?
I really hope you are not drunk feeding a raccoon.
The penis is a tricky weapon to use. When using it as leverage you have to make it seem emotional. I'd rather use it as a club sometimes.
Just sitting here contemplating the meaning of life.
So you're drunk waiting for the bus.
In case you were wondering how drunk I was last night, there was an unopened slim Jim in front of my door and I ate it.
I'm currently sitting beside my brother who is taking a bath and feeding him nachos while he covers his genitals. If that's not sibling bonding then I don't know what is
I have found random beers stashed in my purse and microwave... Apparently I thought 2015 was gonna have a beer shortage
I just want to smoke weed and be the little spoon all winter. My modern day hibernation.
I woke up at her place in a kids bed hearing Sesame Street. She doesn't have kids!
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