3:38a: you guys up to anything right now?
Drinking non-alcoholic beer is like going down on your cousin.
Sure it tastes the same, but it ain't right.
areee we human. . .oorrr areee we dancerssssss?!
you srsly need to quit going to that bar
I was worried if he didn't show me his penis, he would kill himself
You filled up my voicemail with a slurred but graphic depiction of how you were humping a fire hydrant.
Just pooped at the strip club. NOT NORMAL . I may be a little too comfortable here.
My number one goal in life is to find out who can fill a keg with Popov
Drunkasaurus has found a new cave to eat all the children she captured
I need to get you away from Bacardi 151 and out from under the bed
we are blowing up condoms and making balloons and we’re drunk on the floor. You could have come to school here
WTF moment this morning: we were getting ready to leave and he reaches under his mattress to pull out his gun. All I could do was look at him and go "really?!"
I'm tired of the topic. I sent him a pic of my vagina to change it.
I just wanna have sex and go to Denny's after is that too much to ask for.
Idk I'm drinking Sam Adams and wearing new balances so I'm basically a dad
I told him I wanted to get on him and ride him to Montana. It didnt end like i thought it would.
Realization: many of my behaviors would lead to me being stoned to death in a lot of foreign countries. God bless America.
Randomize