when my dick couldnt get hard she said "fly on little wing"
The professor just announced to the class that I talked to him in the bar on my birthday.
it's already thursday and i haven't gotten drunk yet...something's not right.
I took the chef home. His dick even tasted like garlic
He ran headfirst into the atm. Thenasmed us what our spirit animals were...he said his was either a dolphin or a cabbage
I should go buy the economy size box of condoms and sprinkle a path like rose petals to my bed... Think he'd get the hint?
Say something like you want him to fuck you behind a McDonald's. Guys secretly love weird shit like that.
I would call you but I don't feel like these hands belong to me.
its like i had a thought but i dont know what the words are for it
I miss the "How many Grindr hits can I get while performing in an elementary school?" game.
Circle jerk is a real thing. It looks like five innocent virgins in a closet at my brother's bar mitzvah. Yeah, I walked in on that.
He came to my Harry Potter marathon wearing a Hogwarts uniform. Of course I fucked him.
He lured me round with the prospect of sex and then made me proofread his CV and spoon. I fucking hate this guy.
I made a powerpoint to trip to.
you are so studious.
He's the first boyfriend I wouldn't cheat on. This is a really big deal for me
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