Having him eat chocolate out of you is not as romantic as it sounds. I'm still finding pieces.
Stripper fight on main stage. It just happened. And it was glorious.
Hes still not moving. At what point does 'hungover' become 'hospital-time?'
There's an australian, my relationship has no hope.
Tequila bombs in champagne seemed like a good idea at the time.
Im covered in vodka and melted gummys. Fuck summer.
She kept crying and asking why I couldn't look more like Dennis quaid.
THIS ISN'T WORKING THIS IS THE DRUNK LEADING THE DRUNK
Oh btw I learned how to say "my penis is a flamethrower" in German. Tonights gonna be fun
If we order a pizza and I contribute 9 cents, is that fair?
You asked me if I was judging you for being drunk, and if I can hypnotize you make sober.
I HAVE NEVER BEEN FRIENDZONED IN MY LIFE AND THIS GIRL IS GOING TO MAKE ME QUESTION EVERYTHING. LIKE A GODDAMN CUNT. A WONDERFUL, BEAUTIFUL, MAJESTIC, LESBIAN CUNT.
That moment half way through a run when you realize you have to take a giant shit. I was racing against my bowels that last mile. Now my sweat is suctioning my ass to this toilet seat. Enjoy that NSA.
It could happen. I haven't creeped the rest of the guest list yet.
Just creeped. Everyone is a passable 7. Orgy is a go!
MILK DIDN'T HELP. IT'S NOT HELPING
Randomize
