how hairy? two words: wookie tits
You said you wanted to go to louisiana and get arrested by Steven segal
I woke up to somebody tossing my salad... I should have drank more
letting you know, as a good neighbor, that when your windows open and your shade is up we can hear and see you dancing naked to money maker... nice boobs
I don't remember much but I know I looked hot.
It got a little outta hand when you wanted to do body shots on the table.. at Dennys.. at 4 AM.. with lemonade
I bought a police grade breathalyzer on ebay at 4:37 am. At least I'm a responsible drunk.
I officially became the girl who let a guy get her off under the covers last night while her roommate and a friend were there. He was impressed by my ability to stay quiet and stay relatively focused on the conversation...
I am so ashamed of you, and yet so proud.
It's ok that you're screwing someone else while trying to get back with me, I'm banging three girls while I ignore you.
Just call Katie. She's like the drunk whisperer; she can get them to do anything.
Your either lost or getting food, if your lost find me a girl on your way back, if your getting food grab me a double cheese
Brown or brunette? Ketchup or mustard?
I love you bro
How do you explain to your kids that you met their mother well you were giving her a gynecological exam??
The last thing I need is a possessed urethra.
THERE ARE SO MANY HOT DADS AT WHOLE FOODS
My boss spotted an injured PIGEON outside the front door this morning (at 3:30am) and requested that I catch it and take it to the vet. Catch it with what! Take it where!These requests have gone too far...
Randomize
