You found a girl to hook up with at a gay bar?
No. His name was Paco. I didn't get it by choice. I never had a hickey before.
I acted like I was still sleeping as she gathered her stuff to leave.. that's when she let one rip
woke up to 35 texts all saying im cheating on her
me and last nights hook up spent two hr. figuring out a reply we went with i love you..
She said she's saving anal for marriage cuz she has to save something for her husband...seriously just caught myself lookin at rings.
do you think you could subtly ask him about the dimensions of his penis?
you know...the drug dealer i named my baby after.
It's pathetic. My bed hasn't been this sexless since it was in bedmart.
There is no such thing as a great breathalizer story. That isn't a thing that exists.
arnt you supposed to become a mature adult when you move out of your parents house?
Moving out doesnt mean I'm mature, it means I can make pancakes and bacon at 3 in the morning and no one can judge me.
I walk in and my mom has a Christian workout program playing. It's like, gospel music with an "electronic" beat to go with it. And then they try to save your soul at the end. I hate being home.
I'm so stoned I just sat here for like at least 45 min thinking about how I would get some jack in the box tacos if only I knew where my wallet was and then I kind of blinked and finally noticed I had literally been staring at my wallet the ENTIRE fucking time
Just saw a government minister puke and rally.
I can't hang out tomorrow. A boy wants to feed me ice cream and touch my boobs. Priorities.
Do not, I repeat, DO NOT uncuff him no matter how much he begs. He knows what he did.
My boss walked into my office and gave me a toothbrush and tips for dealing with sex hair. She knows what’s up
Randomize