i will never coherently bang her
You peed for a solid 5 minutes last night and turned around halfway through to give everyone watching a thumbs up
i have a surprise for you that looks bigger since I found my body hair trimmer
just found a carrot inside of a baby sock. living with toddlers is like living with tiny hammered people.
Also since my birthday I've on average fucked a new guy every 12.5 days. I'm doing an excel spreadsheet
I found him passed out against a dryer in the girls washroom, in front of an old woman was trying to figure out how to dry her hands.
Got a handy at the foam party. Took girl home. Banged her. Thanked her for foam handy. "what handy?"
I just had to call my mom to come pick me up stoned at a Lana's house and beg her to buy me Taco Bell. I'm graduating from college in 14 hours. Fuck
He asked me if my princess crown was real and before I could say yes, he was already reaching to put it on. I'm pretending I'm asleep if he tries to have sex.
We're like a dynamic duo.
Bisexual and Proud, Lesbian and Loud.
He ate a Doritos taco from my boobs. Does your boyfriend do that?
Right now you and beer are my only friends.
I've never seen so much of my blood outside me. After the initial shock it was kind of cool.
I mean, it's a romantic picture of pubes if I've ever seen one
I woke up uncovered, spread eagled to my dad saying "you really need to stop sleeping naked."
Randomize
