sometimes you just have to masturbate at your friend's house.
He was wearing a Knicks jersey I had to go home with him. it was a rough season.
He gave them shots of purell and called it "acid rain" jello shots. They took them.
I hate freshman.
I drink way too much to have a type. Last weekend I picked up a guy who calls me "baby girl"
She said I looked exactly like my dad. Then she made out with me. Should I be questionable?
I just had a contest with the toilet to see who could hold their breath longest.
I won
I asked him how his night was and he sent me a picture of a bottle of Ciroc with a bendy straw...
Sweet. Warning: i have been drinking at work since 4. Plan accordingly.
We were all day drunk by 2pm. Now I know why they hate Americans
Its honestly only a matter of time before I punch him in the face... I'll try to control myself until you guys break up
I straight up told your dad I've slept with a majority of your family
He washed his dick in my kitchen sink after sex. I think he might be a keeper.
Who brings nunchucks to a funeral?
No actually you're a pro. You puked on the cab ride, and managed to completely contain it in your purse. the cabbie was even impressed.
Still riding the magical train of drugs so, yeah, Id say I feel great
Randomize
