so it turns out you can rearrange the letters in "scottsdale" to spell "milf city." who knew?
it was a shit show
We all have our days. But yours might be on the internet.
Passed out watching pirates of caribbean with vodka in hand. Woke up to jenna jameson, with vodka gone.
i just had sex with a fat kid who giggles when he cums. tequila really lowers my standards.
Im in your car brotha dog. Its was unlocked, so im gonna sleep in it. well i mean i think its your car be your car.
On an unrelated side note: I shall now attempt to crawl to the bathroom. Where I will lay motionless on the cold ceramic bathtub with hot water pouring over my shivering body as I desperately try not to vomit. Good day.
I woke up to him yelling "WHO SLEEPS WITH A BEER IN THEIR HAND?!?" this of course, startled me awake and made me spill the aforementioned beer. So I guess the a answer is- not this girl, not anymore. Asshole
YOHYFONSO!! YOU ONLY HAVE YOUR FIRST ONE NIGHT STAND ONCE!!
i just found my fake in the snow. LIFE IS AWESOME
My roommate taped his phone to the ceiling fan to simulate walking so he could hatch Pokémon. Lazy people will always find a way.
Ah Christ I think I've reached the single life mentality 100%. I just inquired a photographer about a photo shoot with my dog.
Bad news man, we're gonna have to reschedule Golden Coral: The Musical
I don't know who the fuck this is, but right on man
We were literally making dick jokes with his dick out
That’s the level of friends with benefits I aspire to achieve
Ugh. All the good hoes are in their third trimester.
What's the point of having a gay best friend if he doesn't play with your titties?
Randomize