so... i had sex tonight
with a midget
nicccce tits for a little person
he quoted Bring It On. It's over.
You gave him head? He fingered you? A little bit of make out?
WHAT THE FUCK ITS LIKE YOU WERE THERE
I wish you got a notification every time someone masturbated to a Facebook picture of you...
i was focused on more important things... like standing, and not spilling my beer
I didn't know people actually cried after sex.
At the pride parade. It's not even noon and I'm drunk as shit... for equality of course
I'm so hungover that if we go to panera, I'll probably get a bread bowl to throw up in.
Just had to buy plan b w/ my robotic baby from family living.. Awkward.
if I open my eyes, my head will explode. that hungover.
It's that whole "half Japanese, half asshole" thing. My brother and I have found that people really go for that
I may or may not already be in your hot tub when you get home. I have a key to your house and no shame.
Hey, I found that piece of pizza you lost in my bed last night. Never again...
It's Valentine's Day, I figure for sure we'll have sex today, right? Wrong. I tried unsuccessfully for like an hour to get him to fuck me. Now he's asleep and I'm on my way to join the public library.
Babe, Have you see my pants?
Try Jay street in Brooklyn.. that's where I last remember seeing them.
Randomize
