Sorry, its so late. Remember your fat friend with huge boobs. i need her number..its an emergency
does dane cook know its not 2004 and that hes no longer relevant?
Every morning i wake up and check his twitter like a horoscope
I just realized that i have never seen about 30 percent of my friends sober before
you know that saying beer then liquer makes you sicker, it should be beer then pickles makes you throw up alot, everywhere.
The fact that I pulled something plastic out of my mouth after taking that shot is starting to concern me.
when i first looked at you, you weren't wearing any pants. but then i realized you had them around your neck as a cape.
Everyone looked at me like I just fucked a gopher and was wearing it like a hat
I JUST MACED MY OWN FACE
This is by far the best text I have ever woken up to.
i know you're upset so i should probs be supportive but i've got nothing in that department. your life suuuuucks
some kid lit a j in the bar tonight. i was in awe of both his boldness and the severe beatdown he received moments later
Well you know I have tits so that's half the battle
So I just got motorboated by my grandma…
If my dildo had feelings, they. Would've deffinately been hurt. He put that toy to shame..
Just make sure you put pants on
....then im not going
Randomize
