Its like fucking yourself in the head with a weed strapon
I just want him to slap me with his dick and call it love
You were such a shitshow...I was just standing in the kitchen eating my toaster strudel and you came in, whispered "you didn't see anything" and led him to the couch
Just made a PowerPoint called "Reasons Why You Should Fuck Me" at his request. The sad thing is we've had sex before...
Spent fifteen minutes in the car thinking i was psychic before i realized the cd was not on shuffle
Stalker pic that shit
He left, I think he got uncomfortable when I started singing 'oompah oompah doodley do, I have a special riddle for you'
I did the walk of shame this morning and his mom hugged me in the driveway
I don't know, but I assume drunk me had her reasons. I trust her judgement.
Is there a greeting card for "I can't keep being The Other Woman"?
I asked him to sing a song so he couldn't hear me throwing up as he was holding my hair
Someone messaged me on POF and wished me a Happy International Women's Day. Why do I even bother anymore?
I gave myself a charlie horse masturbating this morning. I feel like that really set the tone for the day.
Never let your siblings swipe right.
When's the last time you had sex near some ducks?
all i remember is walking home without my pants on... when i woke up i was sleeping in between my parents in their bed, no more whiskey wednesdays
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