She was so loose she sounded like a jar of salsa. I didn't know that was even possible.
My 10 year old brother handed me a pack of condoms and said "here, i don't wanna be an uncle yet."
He gets you donuts, dinner, and booze consistently, who cares if he's cheating
I went from innocently day drinking to waking up handcuffed in jail. Fuck you game days
We're already drunk. 4 hours to go still. And there's a bear advisory. TOP WEEKEND.
Add caroling to the list of things we need to do in an elevator
I hoped the great care he put into rolling a blunt would translate to my vagina.
Yes I am wallowing. There is a significant lack of cookie dough
Well, he hasn't actually seen me naked. Just my boobs... and the left side of my vagina.
A boy just offered to come over and help me clean my house. I hope you are more successful than he will be tonight.
This hangover is what we deserve after that level of debauchery.
So I couldn't find Leif..... He fell asleep in our closet upstairs trying to get changed into warmer clothes
Worst case scenario- he paid me for sex with meatloaf. There are worse thing, right? I mean at least is was good meatloaf.
I slapped a guy during sex last night because he moaned the wrong name. Then I remembered I gave him a fake name. Sorry bro.
Listen, I've got balls in my face can I call you back
Randomize
