Do you need to be saved?
No I think I'm God
I guess i tried to text 911 last night with "someone stole my bong." Thank god that doesn't work...
This guy legit just tried to LSAT formal logic his way into my pants. Contrapositives and everything.
We just took shots out of seashells. Welcome spring break 10.
She's been drinking and was roller blading. I'm sure you can do the math
You leave me no choice. Your vagina is grounded. It can just sit there and think about what it's done.
I may or may not be negotiating a deal of baked goods for socks...keep you posted
"Just cut me in half. Then take half of me home. And leave the other half here. Cuz I can't see."
Did you miss the part about my hangover needing a day to rest?
I mean with a sentence like that I knew I would be cumming
I'M MAKING HIKING PLANS WITH THE GIRL WHO IS DATING MY EX, THAT IS PERSONAL FUCKING GROWTH
Reminder: You could have had sex with me while wearing a tiara.
Like I just asked Greg why I don't have a crown for my vagina. That drunk.
Just laying in bed with my vibrator eating cold tortillas and listening to Savage Garden.
By the way I can not feel my vagina. It's like it's asleep. What the hell did you do?
Randomize
