no sex. but he left me weed, so almost as good.
my mothers day present is going to be not puking at the table during brunch
The glockenspiel player has some booze though so hopefully the ride won't be that bad
If she doesnt understand your inherent need to teabag an emo chick, do you really want to be with her?
Listen, you need to start thinking with your vagina and not with your heart... That emotional shit is for your 30s.
We have a nice shopping list..vibrators and roller blades
Priorities
Why does my therapist keep calling when I jerk off?
i just found my fake in the snow. LIFE IS AWESOME
i woke up inside a girl that i promised i would take on a date to Chili's
In going to go underground and live with the mole people for a while.
He called me Kitten either just because or he figured out my old s&m life. Either way huge turn on.
Apparently I was telling them, "I AM A STRONG INDEPENDENT WOMAN AND I DON'T NEED YOU TO HOLD MY HAIR," and I pulled my hair back and puked.
No I did a yoga dvd and hit my ex up via email for some pot in exchange for his mail.
75% of the time I swipe right on Bumble for girls over 40 is because I think their 18 year old daughter is hot.
Of course the sales lady was judging you, you bought a pregnancy test, ky jelly, diet pills and a 6 pack of red bull. Even i'm judging you.
Randomize
