Its only 8 and she is already passed out
Perfect here is wht u do. Gently slip your index middle and ring finger into her butt hole but gently u dont wnt to wake her..let me know when ur ready for step 2
oh, and bring over your fire extinguisher. we're gonna get the mailman again
she was puking into the toilet drowning herself saying "its okay im a swimmer"
are any of them hardcore sluts...just absolute worthless human beings? if not the paper wins
We gotta make a movie eventually. All good, long-lasting relationships include a homemade porno
I'm sitting at home, day drinking, while watching crossroads with brittany spears. I'm not the person you should be asking for advice right now.
Uh no. you let me handle it. trust me: I can paint the Mona Lisa in tints of bitch.
You know it's been a good thanksgiving when you pee all over your own hands.
I think I'm a wingman for every guy who bangs a girl I scarred in highschool.
I woke up on a navy base in a different time zone. I'm never leaving tallahassee again.
Ryan friended me on LinkedIn and it took everything in my power not to endorse him for sexual dysfunction as a skill.
You attempted what you called the "Long Island Heist", in which you shoved a half glass of Long Island down your pants and asked me to help you sneak it out. That drunk.
Im so glad I make morally wrong decisions. It's like the best worst thing I've ever done.
walked into my room this morning clutching two empty bottles of sminoff to find my roommate's ultra conservative parents staring at my posters of naked men. fuck parents weekend.
If I get back to the house before you, I'm setting up the swing. If you get there before me, it's chains and cuffs.
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