Alarm just got pulled in my exam
Swear it wasn't me
We need to have an Itty-Bitty Titty Committee mtg somewhere in the range of 5 minutes to ASAP.
sorry i'm running a bit late. had to shave my brittney...was looking more like rapunzel. clearly i've been having a drought.
you were mad bc i took longer then 2 minutes to finish
Nick just found a baggie of 3 year old shrooms in his desk drawer and downed it all with cheap white wine. I am not on vomit duty tonight.
In a world where you don't want your phone to pocket dial your parents at 2 in the morning while you're running around Florida shitfaced, Droid does.
You had me at "you have a nicer rack then her"
The bloodstain in the garden looks like a sad face. Like I don't already know this is bad...
I have never smelled more like a drunk mariachi band than I do right now.
Your first words after putting out the flames, "how am I supposed to eat girls out with my top lip burned off??"
Yeah no more flaming everclear shots.
I just need three more girls to complete my 'Freak-a-leak' bang list. Know any girls named Zahra, Shavon, or Daronda?
Sweet. Warning: i have been drinking at work since 4. Plan accordingly.
My mom has finally acknowledged my soft spot for Russians. Finally.
OMG CHARGE YOUR PHONE I NEED TO KNOW IF THIS IS A GOOD PICTURE OF MY ASS
I'm now using my vagina for good, not evil. Trying to restore balance to the force.
Randomize
