Eating hibachi. The chef is squirting sake into my mouth with a ketchup bottle. Happened twice, more to come.
Don't leave without me in the morning. I keep scaring everyone cause I'm sleeping in the bathtub.
Guy in our group took down a chick in a wheelchair last night.
As one final fuck you to the courthouse i'm paying the rest of this ticket with sacajawea coins.
I HAVE A PRESENT FOR YOU AND ITS NOT MY VAGINA
Did the game of beer pong go wrong before or after the cops and fire department showed up?
4 people stoned, 3 boys I've slept with, 2 I gave chlamydia, and a partridge in a pear treeeeee
How festive
Remind me in the morning that I've now seen a guy do crack. That actually happened. I'm at the wrong party.
Is it too early in the day to be getting dressed for the strip club?
No, dude...I agree it's great in theory but I promise you that 80 drunk 21 year old sorority girls together in one room for formal is one of the worst drama filled ideas ever. Ever.
Was about to close the deal last night until he said he hadn't seen the Taylor Swift video. So I made him watch it before I let him have sex with me.
pizza hut and my weed lady just showed up at the same time. I feel 22 again.
You got your ass kicked outside KFC on Tuesday
Well, if it's rabies, your lips will swell just prior to the frothing. Get a lot of good pics!
never have sex with a mint flavored condom on. my vagina is on fire.
Randomize
