Never forget that any girl can get her way if she puts her vagina on the table.
she just took a shower. i'll probs go down on her to encourage shower taking. it's like pavlov, you know?
some how when im high sleep beats hunger...its like how paper beats rock it doesnt make any fucking sense but it still happens
He just made me a heart out of cocaine... i think i'm in love
Dude, I swear her tits are going to give me a concusion.
Can't show you right now as we are in public and he refuses to let me photograph his penis in a bar.
I feel like a blind man at a water park. Every step has the potential to be either fatal or lead to accidental, but totally enjoyable, sex.
I woke up covered in his pee. And then he poked me on Facebook.
I'd like to bring you 40 virgins and treasure chests of gold to make you feel better
My brother is wearing glitter eyeshadow and split leg skinny jeans
You've been usurped as King of the Gays
Sorry, all I could picture was you jamming your dick into a lemon.
He taped a champagne bottle to both his hands and called himself edward champagne hands. At one point he poured some on his lap and said " Just needed to make sure my dick got some too"
Tell me again why I left before the topless cake fight
You started having a threesome right in front of me.
lololol that's what happened?
Stephanie looked me right in the eye while she was going down on you. It made me really uncomfortable.
I'm still thinking about that amazing orgasm last night. I literally heard angels singing "Hallelujah!!"
Randomize
