Guess what? I had way too much to drink today. I'm properly wasted. Doing chores and playing video games while drunk. It's the nexus of stupidity and responsibility.
only you would photoshop your dick
The Firefighter Games are going to be in Tampa the same weekend I am. I think God is answering my vagina's prayers.
Woke up at 4:30am to my little brother shaking me. Apparently I fell asleep naked on my kitchen table waiting for the toaster to pop. 2 years of college completed and i still havent learned my drinking limit...
False alarm it was margarita mix all over my hands not blood
just found out I was hugging strangers at the bar last night. there's photographic evidence. I know none of them
Would you judge me if I made John grow a bush while he is in Cancun so he doesn't cheat on me?
Cant really say how it happened but i woke up in the middle of the night and somehow pissed all over connors dad
GOVERNMENT SHUTDOWN NO RULES ICE CREAM FOR BREAKFAST woooo!
last thing I remember is yelling 'sit on my face' through a traffic cone
How do you tell a woman that you are seeing that the scars on your back are from her awesome-in-bed little sister?
Can't. Way too high. Forgot how to operate doors. Stuck outside.Come get me.
NO ITS THAT IM A SEXUAL DEVIANT AND CANT FILTER MYSELF
woke up on my floor using my jeans i wore out as a pillow
haha i wouldn't expect any less of you
Just got high with dad
Correction: more high. He's sharing gummy bears with me.
Randomize
