Dude that chick in the corner just threw up
Hot
i was looking up hair salons in ithaca for the wedding and one is a hair salon/ sake bar! you can have sake or champagne while you get your hair done!
question, how would one sake-bomb while getting hair done without getting a horrible haircut?
She helped me organize my comics and then blew me. This is the one.
I learned 3 things lastnight....1. Turkeys are related to the t-rex. 2. Whales have leg bones cause they used to walk. 3. I will sing drunk in the waffle house, but not during karaoke in the bar
And I was chasing apple pie moonshine (provided by cops) with bud light limeys. In a golf cart, wearing a tiara.
i came so hard i kicked through my windshield
So I was trying to finish off that sick uv whipped and I chased it with yogurt. Not a good idea
Banged my ex-wife last night...so I belong to that club now.
Thanks for the Beyonce article. In other news, I just passed a man with the state of Florida tattooed on his face.
I'm writing off my condom expenses in my taxes
He texts me "just to say hi" and then tells me how hard he is and sends me a dick pic. And I'm like, dude, I'm ordering a burrito right now
I have done everything sexualally imaginable with that umpalumpa
Hold on gotta plunge the sink
Is that a euphemism for sex? Either way, have a good time
Can I come over and use your shower? My roommate got drunk last night and took my bathroom door off its hinges
I don't know what that means but it's making me want to fuck you.
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