tell ils to like buy her flowers and like a balloon that says, sorry I tried to fuck your sister. I think hallmark makes some of those cards too.
my phone vibrated itself into my puke bucket and literally sizzled. you'll have to reach me at this number for a while.
The bender is in full force. After 2 bloody mary's at breakfast we are now drinking vodka redbull "as a precaution" so we will stay awake for the club tonight.
she just pulled a hulk hogan to make her point. no idea how it helped
Nobody has ever asked me for my honest opinion on whether they needed anal bleaching before
it felt like i was a kid in an empty playground. i fucked him on every piece of furniture in the house and then when his housemates showed up i was naked in his bed like i'd been there all along.
Want to come over and rub aloe on my tits?
Did he seem like the type of guy that would maybe take weed as payment?
I can't promise that. They just put an extra shot in my margarita.
Is it morally wrong to give today's hookup a Krispy Kreme from yesterday's hookup or is it just fat love?
So I woke up really sad and then I looked in the cabinet and there was weed and now I'm not sad anymore
How have you never felt a dick as hard as mine?
So help me God.... if he sends me a dick pic.... I will make it so he has to eat food through a tube in his nose and poop into a bag by his belly button
I put him in the supply closet, used the copy paper to build a fort around him and his wheelchair, then he fucked me in the fort.
Wait you took his virginity AND broke his bed doing it
I know! I’m the best!
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