bras are like tupperware for tits, keeps em fresh.
when your english prof writes "this was a real good paper" on your essay, you know you're at the wrong college
I can'nr wwn explain this nihght . So amnt dixks. Shitttttt.
Weekend has begun hello red wine at 10am on a Wednesday
Rather than admit to myself he's hooking up with her right now, I choose to believe that he's not responding because he's masturbating to my picture, distraught over his poor choice, and trying to forget about the one that got away with a heavy dose of meth.
what's the appropriate greeting for someone whose bed you've had sex with someone else in?
I guess, all I remember was giving you road head the whole way there so you wouldn't fall asleep.
i told the cop we knew everyone at the party, it was 250 of our closest friends and she's like funny nobody on the balcony knew whose house this was
Thats why they were on the balcony!
He used Kanye West lyrics to justify what happened and I accepted his logic
Trimming my pubes at 1 AM, drunk, listening to Stevie Ray Vaughn. What has become of me.
Jesus christ stop updating me about every aspect of your life.
So for St Paddys day I colored my junk green and got a little hat for him....wanna see it before I sober up....
We were in bed, and he looked at me and asked if I'd be weirded out if he took his leg off. BEST.SEX.EVER.
Don't judge me. It's a Monday night and I can eat burritos in while bathing in the kitchen sink if I want to.
It's one of those "I can't stand you but we're stuck in the same hotel room tonight so let's fuck until one of us passes out" kind of nights.
I think I puked in the middle of sex last night if that's any indication as to how drunk I was.
Randomize
