He just made his dick say "woof" and howl at me. can you pick me up?
she's on the floor slapping my dogs face with slices of pizza
I figured that I'd start organizing the places ive given head. I'll add treehouse right after bandroom
Tequila bombs in champagne seemed like a good idea at the time.
There's gotta be a happy medium between the guys who only want to sleep with me and the ones that respect me too much to try to sleep with me.
My face is tingly. And my legs are being massaged by golden elves.
She has a lazy eye!
My other option is a hardwood floor
I was riding her and she yelled "fuck me" then someone in the room next door yelled "you don't have to say it if youre doing it."
My body is a temple...that happens to be able to get me free Patron shots at the bar
You were being mean. And telling everyone to suck your six inch strap on. People were not pleased
Please be lying.
Im not. Your family was creeped out
I woke up on top of his counter next to a pot of boiling water and an empty package of ramen... what happened to the ramen, we will never know.
You came home screaming the lyrics to Drunk in love, and dumped wine on me when I said you would never be Beyoncé
You think your roommate is bad? The guy they paired me with is such a nerd, his very presence at a party blocks every cock in the room.
...and with one comment dissing Hannibal Lecter, I suddenly understood why we never worked out.
She really wants to hug you. With her vagina.
Randomize
