That poor girl was naked and had to be at a job interview in an hour
I woke up covered in my own vomit with a pocket full of napkins. I guess I knew I would need them, but was not coherent enough to use them before passing out.
Well if he truly loves me he will just have to accept my flaws. And that includes a tequila dependency and borderline lesbianism.
At one point, the guy you were fucking high-fived with the guy I was fucking. We should hang out with them again?
The cop told you to put your hands behind your back and you slurred "I'm not falling for that again"
We would be rich. And the whole world would be stoned.
Nhl reached an agreement. I plan on getting me some celebratory sex from a hockey player.
I decided staying home, watching porn and masterbating was a much better choice than the gym. And I was right.
2013: the year of legs covered in hair and pregnancy scares.
I had jack at 8 am= instant drunk
Do you know how hard it is to give a bj in your dead grandmothers car
So it turns out "let's pretend to be gay so guys will stop hitting on us" was step one in her plan to get me into bed...
I need to just embrace dildos and cats and call it a life.
My apartment is so clean right now, I should invite someone over for sex just so someone can see how clean it is.
you should just get a floor plan of your dorm and start checking off rooms.
Randomize
