I haven't shaved so I have to behave myself. I'm going to do this from now on.
grown man stumbling drunk down green street wearing nothing but a hot dog costume and crying. its not even noon yet.
Please never let me the drunk fat dancer in the bus girl
I'd say I'd distract him, but I lose my psychic powers when guys get girlfriends. And by psychic powers I mean taking off my top.
sorry
why?
oh you didn't look in the living room yet, did you?
Lets be real here, you loved it when I was on top. With and without the machete.
whiskey
stop
tequila
you're fuckin up my ability to be a agrown up
We HAVE another bedroom, it's not like I was gunna chain you into the closet. Often.
My breasts were aching with rage.
Driving you two to the party with a keg belted into the back seat has given me a brief glimpse of parenthood. I am now more resolved than ever to never breed, so thanks for that.
we got kicked out of the bar last night for sneaking into the back kitchen and eating handfulls of cheese in the walk in fridge
Haha never eat brownies from a guy with batman pajamas
You know you're an adult when you start planning your hookup a week in advance
I just found a piece of dried shredded carrot on my bed
I took it as a sign from the lord above that she wanted me to creep on these men.
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