i'm like carrie bradshaw but prettier and with a penis
I just saw a like a 30 person deep walk of shame... it was like the million man march but with dorm chicks
Exactly how many bongs can i have before my parents figure out they really aren't vases
Clearly I made an impression.
Or at least your vagina did.
I just got asked if I have a rule for sleeping with people. Like they have to buy me dinner first etc...
On that note, do I have a rule?
He got mauled by a 200lb cement boulder and all he could say in the back of the ambulance is 'I'm so getting laid for this'
good, we got high then went swimming. shelly forgot to keep swimming so we tied her to the ladder in the shallow part with her bikini top.
I found an HIV test/information brochure on the kitchen table and what i can only assume to be an "I'm sorry you might have AIDS" gift bag, complete with a candle and popcorn, and I haven't seen you in 36 hours. You good?
ON A SIMILAR NOTE MY DICK SIZE PSYCHIC SKILLS ARE SO GOOD
I convinced a girl making out is a secret handshake
You got a write up and a first aid award all in the same night. The don was impressed!
Phone keeps correcting good morning to "food moaning" and I like the way it thinks.
every day is bullshit and fuck everyone. That's my motto for the week
I find celibacy oppressive. Huge waste of my time and talents.
Just discovered I was so fucked up last night I called in sick to work... TWICE
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