There was a ginger baby in the car next to me. I almost totaled my car into the center divide.
I tried to assassinate the ginger baby
yes, too bad my tears were being wiped away by tits in my face
1. No more tequila 2. Why do you let me say slutty things? 3. I woke up and our apartment was covered in cake? 4. Love you
my little brother just told me that I should start chasing my vodka with slim fast. genious.
she told me to hold the wheel while she hung out the sunroof and cursed the old lady behind us out.
I just had a flashback of me saying "I'm not ready to be a deadbeat mom" lastnight.
Just found bacon bits in my pocket. Blackout buffet is the best.
You can't start the super bowl without starting a kitchen fire making cole slaw. Its unamerican.
I don't even want to know
Yes ma'am.Im also looking at my collection of penis pictures in my email playing "who;s penis is that"?
There was this blissful moment of peace and quiet... then you ran past our window with a lit firecracker in hand going, "SHIT. SHIT. SHIT!"
sorry for pouring tequila vodka and whiskey down your throat and left you to sleep on a table
Trump won PA by a fucking landslide. If only Cruz hadn't eaten that booger.
I feel like I might be the only person I know who eats bundles of radishes in-between orgasms from their vibrator.
My favorite part was making you pull out your lucky steelers vibrator and show it to jerome bettis at the bar
I see more hoeing in ur future
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