Apparently you walked through my house with your dress on your head
I got so high that I decided to drive with my knees on the way home. Where am I going in life?
Nowhere
i asked why he had a giant piece of popcorn duct taped to his head and he said "No, it's actually part of my neck." so no, i didn't fuck him.
i'm as serious about my hair as jesse from full house.
that is uncle jesse to you, show some respect.
my mom just texted me to let me know that Hooters is hiring
i wish my mom had big dreams like that for me
the igloo is complete. bring your weed and the hat with the floppy ears
Through drunken recall, I have managed to bring back awful memories of losing my virginity. And possibly traumatized my niece trying to get her to "learn from my mistakes".
If you didn't damage your room so much from fucking so hard we would have got more of our security deposit back
I resent that
You ruined me. I can't stop referring to everything outside as the "no-walls" ever since you showed me that video while I was tripping balls. My speech may be permanently altered for the rest of earth spins
Nothing says male bonding like watching porn with your grandpa
Yes, let me tell you about the time I was forcibly locked in a bathroom when my ex-girlfriend was having a bad shroom trip.
He says it takes a lot to subdue the urge to just bury his face in my vagina. Of course, I have absolutely no problem with this.
He gives me the same feeling I get when someone puts a margarita or German chocolate cake in front of me
And on a positive note i found a list that i made in 3rd grade titled "what to do if you want a guy to like you"
I duct taped a bottle of vodka to the back of your closet while you were sleeping in case of emergencies. Go rip it off, it's going to be a long night.
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