I am doing a scientific study and i need a brief description of the underpants you are wearing
Why does Jon Cryer have a career?
That is a good question.
i just practiced my bj skills on a banana in front of the mirror
its going to be a good night
i really thought "pants-shitting drunk" was an unreachable level until last night
i feel like our whole relationship was one big acid trip
In reality u ask do u have beer at your house but what your really saying is will there be cock in my mouth
Our new roommate is sitting in the living room wearing a snuggie and clutching a handle of burnett's mixed with what appears to be crystal light and sobbing over a documentary about a dead race horse.
I know. Isn't she utterly fantastic?
Just explain how I got from the bar to a house I've never been in, waking up to a cop in uniform ripping a bong
Someone had written "Boxmonsterette" on the bathroom wall and I just knew you'd been here.
Stop calling dibs on everything with a vagina you jackass.
That should be the title of my autobiography.
You took a selfie with my hard dick and sent it to Scott with the caption 'Toldja'. It was hard to forget you're a teenager after that
Yeah, nothing like barfing into a grocery bag you just put dog shit into.
Found a trail of Taco Bell hot sauce packets through the garage to our back door and cheese in my bra. I'll say it was a successful Sunday Funday.
Working nightshift means its never too early to start drinking- and you can quote me on that
I honestly have no desire to wear clothes around you
I have that affect on people
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